Thursday, February 23, 2006


I didn't realize it had been a couple of days since posting. Work has been kicking my butt lately. Well... its been kicking my butt since I took the job, because I came on during a time of transition (several people left at once including the boss). I keep expecting it to slow down, but as more and more people learn about our office, more people want our help. Thus... more work. At least its job security, right? But man. I'm sleepy!

Have I mentioned that I'm a dancer? I've danced since I was 6 years old. I took 6 years off for college and after college, but have recently gone back. Its been amazing. I couldn't believe that after 6 years, I got all my skills back. I'm not as flexible as I used to be, but its coming along. I'm dancing with the teens in the highest group in the dance studio. Which is wonderful and scary! Its been fun to learn new skills and new dances. We're dancing in a recital in May, and yay! I'm so excited!

But in our jazz dance, we perform a back roll. But during this roll, we end up on our shoulders with our legs in a split in the air. To do this, you have to tilt your head to one side and roll mostly on one shoulder. Well, apparently I was rolling on the wrong shoulder (which makes me lean differently than the rest of the girls). So as I was trying to learn to roll on the other shoulder I did something stupid...

I forgot to tilt my head! AHHH! pain pain pain.

So I ended up not hurting myself as much as I could have. I pulled all the muscles in my upper back, neck, and back of my head. So I'm in a bit of pain. Thank God for advil, right?

Not much on the whole trying to have a baby scene. I'm on my 7th day of provera. So hopefully soon my period will come and we can start the first cycle of clomid.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Hmm... Need blogging help?

Hey... here's a call to all the blogging people...

How in the world to I add links to my page? I want to link to some of the blogs I read, but have no clue how. Please help! :)

The Blog Novice

Why I hate Provera and other stuff that happened this weekend

Okay, so I've taken Provera before. It worked like a charm. The day after I took my last pill, my period came and wasn't too bad. I had no side effects from the medicine and thought this time would be much the same.

"Ha!" said Provera.

This time... I've had just about every negative side effect listed. Moodiness? Check. Crying jags? Check. Cramps? Check. Nausea? Headaches? Hunger & Bloating? Triple check.

So needless to say, I haven't been a happy camper. Or very pleasant to be around. Poor hubby.

Oh, and note to self or other Provera takers. Provera will elevate your BBT. This is because it is progesterone. Progesterone is the hormone that elevates your BBT. So you did not ovulate, no matter what Fertility Friend says. Just FYI. But hey, enjoy those pretty red lines!

I'm attempting to make this a blog that goes beyond my rambling and whining about not having a baby and what I have to do to get one (which is NOTHING compared to what others go through. So seriously? Stop whining already). So this weekend Mr. SilentlyHoping and I went shopping! SHOPPING! The Mr. does not like to go shopping. I, on the other hand, L.O.V.E. it. I'll shop all day and not buy a thing. And be completely happy. Its the thrill of the hunt or something.

But we did some major damage. Mr. SilentlyHoping needed some new pants for work pretty badly, so we scoured every store. Okay... you know how there are big and tall stores? There also needs to be skinny and tall stores, because there were no 32x34 pants to speak of. And forget it if you actually wanted 32x36. I've decided that they don't exist and you can't convince me otherwise.

But we did end up finding some. Thank you Foleys! Along with a beautiful sports coat that was on sale. And a Kitchenaid Mixer (for me.... my Valentine's Day present... its so wonderful!). And some new wonderful sheets! And a new purse. And a massager thingy... Ah... what a great day!

So I'm noticing that I write this blog like a ton of people read it. I'm not sure if they do. Hopefully I'm more entertaining when I think people are watching.

Friday, February 17, 2006

The I word...

So for the longest time, even when it became completely clear I'd need some help conceiving, I would not use the word "infertile". Or infertility... or any other version of the word.

I just hated the way it sounded and the stigma that it brought. By admitting I was infertile, I was lumping myself in a club to which I just DIDN'T want to belong. It seemed so final. And scary. I mean, would I be trying to two years? Three? To what lengths would I have to go in order to have a baby? Injectables? IVF?

It was all so overwhelming.

Yesterday was my first visit to the doctor. I know... after nine months and 3 cycles, you'd think I would have gone sooner. But no. I was in complete denial. I faithfully took my temperature and studied the chart daily. I willed there to be a pattern. There wasn't. I finally realized -- I'm not going to miraculously healed. It was tough to deal with.

I'm not sure if others feel the same way. Maybe its just that I don't like labels. They tend to stick with you forever. You know... like "Yeah, that lady with the six kids... she was infertile". Yuck. I just don't want that to be me. But I'm trying to embrace it. If my experiences can help someone else. I guess its worth it.

And like my friend said to me the other day.

Her: "You know what's the cure for infertility?"

Me: "Pregnancy?"

Her: "Exactly!"

The Beginning

So where to start? Oh... "at the very beginning... its a very good place to start..."

Okay, I promise. Its the last of movie quotes (well, or at least from the Sound of Music). I just couldn't help myself.

I guess I should give some background. My wonderful husband and I have been trying for a baby since June 2005. There's just been one problem with my cycles...

I don't have one.

Seriously? I'm on my third cycle since June. Currently, I'm on cycle day 94. I just don't ovulate. Apparently, its important for conception. And think... I could have saved all that money on birth control and tampons.

I'm currently on provera to start my cycle and then I'll start clomid. I've heard some great things and some awful things about this drug. We'll see how it works. I'm glad to at least be doing something in this quest.

Our family doesn't know about the whole trying to have a baby thing. Neither do the majority of our friends. So this will be an anonymous blog. I want this to be a place to let it all hang out. Where people who are going through the same thing can come and hear what other people are going through. Because infertility can be a very lonely place. I have only one friend (in real life of course) that can completely relate. The rest got pregnant just by thinking dirty thoughts.

So anyway... get ready. You'll hear the ups and the downs, the goods and the bads, and hopefully a pregnancy announcement!