Thursday, May 25, 2006

Love is different....

There's this really awesome Caedmon's Call song called "Love is Different."

'Cause love is different than you'd think
It's never in a song or on a TV screen
And love is harder than a word
Said at the right time and everything's alright
Love is different than you think

I couldn't agree more... Love continually surprises me. The depth to which we can love someone else. At our wedding, our pastor said something that has stood out in my mind -- He said that at this very moment, you guys think that you love each other as much as you possibly can. You you don't. As the years go by, you'll find that you love each other more than you could imagine.

He was right.

But as we've been together longer (3 years next month) I've realized some things about love.

Love is:
* Holding someone's hair when they are puking their guts out.
* Putting someone elses needs above your own.
* Looking into someone's eyes and though you realize there'll be hard times, choosing to love them anyway.
* Commitment.
* Letting someone else make the decision sometimes.
* Going to get KFC, even though you hate it, because the other person wants it.
* Fighting because you are bothered by the fact that the other person is hurting themselves.
* Being willing to die for someone.
* Realizing that even though you actually can live without that person, you really don't want to.

Love isn't:
* Always a feeling. Sometimes you really don't like that person.
* Mushy, touchy-feely- and up each other's butt all the time.
* Like it is on TV.
* Always pretty.
* The feeling like you can't live without them. You can...

Most of my ideas on what love was and what it should look like have been shattered by actually loving. There are times that my husband and I drive each other completely and utterly crazy, to the point that we don't even want to be in the same room with each other. But even in that moment of extreme frustration and not wanting to see him... I'd still jump in front of a bullet. Its crazy, it doesn't make sense, its deeper than it was yesterday, and I expect it'll be deeper tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Best. Sound. Ever.

So yesterday I had my second doctor appointment. I don't know if I'm a weird pregnant lady or what, but the 4 weeks in between appointments are pretty much torture right now. I can't feel the baby move so I really have no idication that things are going right. All you have are indications that nothing went wrong... which aren't really all that reliable.

So yeah, I'm nervous before going to any appointment. I'm terrifed they won't find the heartbeat, that bad things will have happened and I didn't know. And most scary -- that I caused it. Its probably all the extra hormones making me crazy also...

But! The appointment was awesome. We got to hear the hearbeat, and its beautiful. I was so shocked I couldn't even cry. I just sat there, smiling with my eyes bugged out. But I cried all the way home. Oh yes, I did. I can't explain it, hearing that heartbeat kinda made things real. I mean, there are 2 heartbeats inside of me right now... mine and the baby's. And its been that way since the baby was about 4 weeks old. God is amazing.

Other than that, things are fantastic. The tests from the gallon of blood they took last time all turned out great, my blood pressure is wonderful, and I didn't gain any weight. So I have a total weight gain of 2 pounds. I hesitate to put that out there... but its part of the pregnancy, so I figured I'd share. :)

The baby is now the size of a fig. They always compare the size of the baby to fruit, which I find really strange.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Updating... because maybe someday people will read this...

Hello my non-readers!

Things are good with me. I'm now 10 week pregnant and trying to hang in there. I'm really looking forward to this supposed 2 trimester energy that I keep hearing about. Until then I guess I'll keep sleeping 9 hours a night and still be tired.

I'm really not fitting into my normal clothes anymore. Why is that? I'm all of 10 weeks pregnant and the baby is the size of a small orange (or something like that). It baffles my mind.

But! What a great time to be pregnant. Seriously! I mean, between gaucho pants (however you may feel about them) and the stretchy skirts I can find "normal" clothes that fit me everywhere. Its pretty nice.

Also? The bella band. Yeah, it may not stay in place all the time, but man... I'm wearing my normal clothes and I'm SO comfortable. Its a lifesaver. Now I don't have to run frantically and buy tons of maternity clothes. Especially because I've had offers from several people to share... ah, so there are perks to being one of the last people you hang out with to get pregnant.

Man... I gotta say. The boob growth is nice too. I've gone from an A to a C. (C!) Its crazy. But nice. I finally have cleavage! Woo!

So this was random. I promise to have a better formed entry in the future...