Thursday, June 22, 2006

Last post...


I've decided that this blog doesn't really fit my life anymore. I've tried to fit it in, but it hasn't worked. This was the best thing for me while I was dealing with the emotions of infertility. But now? I feel like I need to move on. I may open a new blog, but I prefer to stay anonymous, so I won't be linking it to here. If I did start another blog, it would be one that all can see... family, friends, etc.

Thank you for coming along on this adventure with me. It was amazing to have a place I could talk about anything and everything and feel safe.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Oh man, we're really going to have a baby

Okay, so there's much disagreement as to when you are out of the first trimester and "out of the woods" (sort of). Some say 12 weeks, some say 13, I've seen 13 1/2 weeks, I've seen 14.

Whatever, lets take the average and say 13 weeks, k? k.

So, yeah, I'm 13 weeks 2 days (but who's counting?). So according to MY calculations, I'm out of the first trimester. Which simulatneously elates and terrifies me.

I'm elated because now? I no longer have "morning" sickness, my energy is (slowly) coming back and I'm starting to show. And because my miscarriage rate plummets.

I'm terrified because... ohmygodI'mgoingtohaveababy! Yes, I should have realized this before, and yes this baby was very planned and very wanted (still is) but until this past week or so, I didn't really let myself think past that day. Was it a zen state of mind? Or just self-protection in case the worst happened? I don't know. But now? Now I'm thinking about those itty bitty diapers, the crying fests at 3am, the fact that when Ciabatta gets sick, they are going to come to me! ME! Not to mention the way pregnancy has a way of ravaging your body to leave it completely different than it was before. I miss my waist already.

The mix of feelings; I just don't know what to do with it. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the hormones. Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited about this baby, about meeting him or her and finding out what kind of a person they are. December can't get here fast enough. But man... its kinda scary too, you know?

And wonderful... and freaky... and exciting... and miraculous...

No wonder pregnant women cry all the time. Its hard enough just putting into words how you feel.